UNCONDITIONAL TRUST

Almost 9 years ago I began research on ways to overcome extreme anxiety and it lead me to extensive studies on medicinal use of the hemp plant, which then opened the doors to a lucrative business for us that utilizes part of this flower.

I am a huge advocate for the benefits of cannabis and I strongly believe that many are under educated on this subject.

Although I advocate for the use of the plant, I am unable to partake.

Over 30 years ago I was at a house party. As far back as I can remember, I have always been far more precautious and paranoid than my peers.

But this particular night I had full paranoia. My friends could tell that I was edgy so they continuously passed the blunt in my direction.

Despite the calming effect it's supposed to have, the psychoactive component can often heighten paranoia.

And boy did it!! I ended up at the ER thinking that I was tricked into smoking something other than marijuana.

That night I experienced physical ailments that made me believe I was dying. Not only did I convince myself, I had my sisters believing the same.

I had full paralysis on the left side of my body. I was crying tears but they would only fall from my right eye.

When I got to the emergency room, we cajoled the doctor to run a full panel to find out what substance the cigars were laced with.

I kept thinking, "if I come out of this stroke, I'm going to be a full crack or heroin addict..."

When the doctor returned with the results, he explained that THC was the only thing present in my bloodwork and what I endured was a severe panic attack.

From that episode, I knew every time a panic attack was trying to overtake me and I quickly learned how to combat it.

The techniques that have helped me since that night are deep breathing, (inhaling through my nose and holding it for as long as I can then exhaling through my mouth) and refocusing my thoughts on something else.

This technique not only calms my mind but it calms my body as well.

Since that night, I've been in several instances that I have needed to apply this and thankfully I have been successful.

I realize that others may need additional supplementary aid and my vote hands down goes towards the hemp plant - only if they are a good candidate for it haha.

I've heard it said that depression is thoughts of the past whereas anxiety is thoughts of the future.

Whether or not this holds true is irrelevant when you are in the middle of dealing with either.

Prior to last week, if you were to ask me if I had an abundance of faith, my answer would have been absolutely.

However, I received a phone call and the conversation was the equivalent of a giant hand wrapping around me squeezing the life from my body.

Within a matter of minutes, I imagined every worst case scenario that one could envision.

With each thought the outcome became more cataclysmic which caused me to go deeper in panic.

Before I knew it I was in a split second decision.

If I did not calm myself down, my kids would have needed to call an ambulance to come. And if I'm being honest, it was the fear of that happening that made me focus on breathing.

I was standing in the middle of a tornado of anxious thoughts. They swirled around me so fast that I didn't have enough faith to stop them.

I didn't have enough strength to pull myself out.

My faith was conditional. It was contingent upon the outcome of my situation.

I was focused only on my reality.

2 Corinthians 5:7 instructs us to walk by faith and not by sight and I promise I tried. In that moment I really tried hard.

After the fact, and still to this day, I feel slightly disappointed in my reaction.

I know better and I should have gotten out ahead of things before the call. I should have reminded myself who I belong to.

Trusting myself unconditionally is an oxymoron.

Trusting God unconditionally is obtainable.

YOU ARE DESIGNED TO REIGN IN LIFE

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