THE POWER OF ADDICTION

Very few people know that I started smoking cigarettes when I was in 6th grade. One of my only white friends taught me how to inhale properly, how to blow smoke rings and a lot of other tricks.

It was the most disgusting thing I had ever tasted. In fact, each time that I took a puff of a cigarette I had to spit.

This lasted for months so not only was I puffing on a fowl smelling stick, blowing smoke out of my nose and mouth, but I was also spitting after each hit.

I was so lady like haha. But despite all of that, I was one of the "cool kids."

Furthermore, I had lunch money saved up so I was able to buy cigarettes whereas a lot of the kids weren't able to. So that increased my popularity.

Unlike more potent drugs, smoking cigarettes isn't an instantaneous addiction. The nicotine takes some time for your brain/body to become addicted.

Day after day, upwards of 5-20 cigarettes is when it turned from a habit to an addiction.

Having to sit in class for hours without a cigarette turned painful. The irritation increased and so did the cost.

I went from a pack of cigarettes lasting a full week to barely a full day. I can't pinpoint when this all changed but I soon realized the severity of my addiction.

Starting smoking cigarettes wasn't a shock to my family considering every one of the adults in my house smoked.

When I was unable to purchase a box, I would go and find the "butts" of the ones my family smoked.

You should see my face as I'm typing this out. I'm repulsed at the moment lol.

If anyone knew these stories, the probability of me getting dates back then would have been minimal.

One of my favorite quotes is "habits are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken."

Six years after I first started smoking cigarettes I was lying in bed late night. The TV was on and this woman was talking in an apparatus through her throat.

She sounded like a computer or a robot. She began telling how she was one the world's first supermodels. She showed pictures of how beautiful she was.

One of the major cigarette companies offered her a job and they paid her top dollar to start smoking and promoting their brand.

Her story terrified me. It shook me to the core because I was puffing on the same brand she advertised for as she was telling her story.

I decided that would be my last cigarette.

When I tell you that was the hardest thing I have ever done you have to know this...

I buried my first born child.

I buried both of my parents, one being my best friend.

I've counted pennies to survive.

I have went without food for over 10 days in a row (purposely).

I've experienced the deepest betrayal and hurt known to a woman.

I say all of that to say this, quitting smoking cigarettes was by far the hardest thing I've ever been through.

How I endured was I kept reminding myself of the torture of the withdrawal. And each day got easier and easier.

In the beginning, I had nightmares that I started smoking again. I woke up in a panic because I really thought that I was going to have to go through the process of quitting again.

Fast forward over 25 years and it's such a distant memory that I almost completely forgot that was a part of my past.

I've told you this before, addiction runs in my family so I'm very conscious of this. When I like something a little too much, I go on "fasts" from it.

I do this so that nothing has power over me like cigarettes did. Allowing any thing or person to have complete control over you makes you feel weak and inadequate.

Regrettably, I have found myself dependent on a caffeine boost to get me through certain times of the day.

So my inner being just had a talk with my mind to make "us" aware of what needs to be done. Of course, I'm not looking forward to this at all but I know it's time.

When we understand that we are tri-part beings (spirit, soul and body) we can then recognize that we have great authority over our lives.

Failing to operate in accordance with this, will result in frustration, disappointment and truthfully addiction.

We should be led by our spirits certainly not our minds and especially not by our bodies.

My body identifies as a 600 pound woman and only wants to lay on the couch, watch tv and eat bon-bons. My mind says, "sure body - I think that's a great idea."

Thankfully my spirit is in control and keeps both of them in check haha.

I'm being funny in this aspect but on a serious note, if there is an area in your life that has control over you, do whatever it takes to bring it into submission.

That includes but is not limited to getting professional help if necessary.

I am not only referring to substances. If it's anger that has become your master, or laziness, or depression, whatever has you at its mercy. You are stronger than you think.

Yourself, 25 years later, will thank you.

YOU ARE DESIGNED TO REIGN IN LIFE

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