NO CONDEMNATION

For over twenty years, I have led a lifestyle of fasting.

I fast periodically for various reasons and not all religious.

Coming from a family of alcohol and tobacco addiction, I knew very early that I needed to live a lifestyle of denying myself things that I really enjoyed.

Otherwise, they would have full control over me and I would be at their mercy.

Before I completely gave up drinking alcohol, I remember making these lemon drop martinis. They were so freaking delicious and every time I made one I would say to myself, "these are addicting."

So I would go on "fasts" and I would deny myself lemon drop martinis for months.

It's interesting that I quickly learned upon coming off of my fast, I really didn't enjoy the taste of things nearly as much as I did prior to the fast.

I can literally make a list of desserts and drinks that I would apply this principle to and each time the results were the same.

However, there was one thing that I couldn't shake at all. Coke.

Not Pepsi and certainly not the powder lol, but Coke.

I would go on extended fasts from Coca-Cola and the day my fast was over I was right back addicted as if I never stopped.

Until one day I decided that I didn't want to be addicted any longer. I was disgusted with myself because I couldn't stop.

So I finally decided to pray about it - as if this was my last resort when if I would have prayed about it in the beginning I might not have endured for so many years smh.

Months past and I was still partaking. Until one day I popped the top and took my first sip and I am not exaggerating when I say that I had to spit it out.

I swear it was like drinking dirty sink water. I certainly wasn't about to give up that easily so the next time we were out at a restaurant I ordered a coke.

The same exact thing happened. Each time the taste got worse. I even tried cherry Coke.

That was a mistake to say the least. So I moved on to Sprite. Lo and behold, the same taste was there.

This was over three years ago and I am still unable to drink either.

I do believe there is a scientific explanation for those who are not believers in prayer or the miraculous.

After I had COVID, everything changed according to my taste and smell. I tested positive for COVID in August of 2020 and to my knowledge that was the only time I had the virus.

Four years later and I'm still dealing with these issues. But, I am grateful that the Lord heard my cry.

I realize this is a simple request from the Lord and one that He could easily handle but sometimes things don't happen over night and we need to navigate our way through them.

Which brings me to my point of this blog. Every single time I took a drink of the soda I felt guilt.

The whole time I had my lips wrapped around the straw or bottle, I would feel regret, repulsion and frustration with myself.

Yet I continued and I beat myself up.

For the last couple of weeks I have felt in my heart that I needed to do a 3 day water only fast.

It has been several weeks that I have been eating sugar and fried foods on a continuous basis. So I knew that my body desperately needed a "reset."

Over the weekend, I told myself that I would start on Monday.

This is not an easy thing for me because I am a creature of habit. I have a strict morning routine and the thought of breaking it causes me some anxiety.

But I pumped myself up all day on Sunday and I was ready for the next morning. I even asked God for grace to complete this.

Monday started off great. Halfway through my day, my headache emerged. This is common for me because I drink coffee in the morning and I have my daily energy drink. (yes I know this is something I really need to give up completely)

I had a ton of orders to complete and my kids were in the background begging to go eat Chipotle.

So that just intensified my headache and I could not focus for the life of me.

I have completed fasts for 4 times longer than 3 days so this should have been easy for me.

Guess what I did?

I gave up. I did. I threw in the towel.

Listen to this next part carefully, before I broke my fast, I had an in-depth conversation with myself.

I told myself that no matter what - I would not allow guilt and condemnation to over take me.

I made sound choices that day.

First, I decided to stop the fast and I was fully aware of the consequences. Second, I decided that because I stopped the fast I would not beat myself black and blue over it. Third, I kept that decision in the forefront of my mind because as you know, guilt and condemnation are valiant individuals.

I do think I could have powered through and not given up, as I have many times before. For whatever reasons, this time I didn't.

In life, we strive to do our best. We set goals, we achieve goals, we are successful, we are accomplished, and sometimes we fail.

Sometimes, we fall. Sometimes we fall harder than others.

There is a Scripture that sheds light on this.

Proverbs 24:16 says "for a just man falls seven times but rises up again..."

If and when we fail, we fall, we make a mistake, we give up, it is imperative that we rise again!!!!!

YOU ARE DESIGNED TO REIGN IN LIFE

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